Crime Buff Pillows

"Do you have another card? This one's been reported stolen."

'We know the elephant died when he jumped off the roof. But the other guy? It's a mystery.'

"It's easier to make 'em talk when you just cement the feet."

'Yes, it's true I got ten years for a traffic violation -- drug trafficking.'

"And that's how I learned the difference between collaborator and co-conspirator."

'You could've just thrown a pie, but no. You drove all the way home, in a tiny little car, just to get your gun.'

"I worked hard, I played hard and I embezzled hard."

'It's easy. As my old English teacher used to say, just write what you know.'

"Neville Haigh...subject...Unsolved murders in Britain in britain 1972 - 1999"

'I've starred in lots of security camera videos...'

WARNING: Thieves operate in this area.

Practicing for the lie detector test...'I have only $800 in the bank. I was never in Chicago. I know nothing about the dog food business.'

Mafia Family Life

'You're far too clever to just fire.'

Black market trade in foodstuffs is thriving.

'I'm sorry, Mr. Miller, but providing information in a hit and run fender-bender case doesn't qualify you for the Federal Witness Protection Program.'

"How'd you get this number?"

'I've forgotten the questions now.'

'Impersonating a police officer. What are you in for?'

'It was sort of like a penalty for early withdrawal. The bank hadn't opened yet.'

'I'm taking a poll. Do you feel safe in your own home?'

Coppers Close.

'We find the defendant guilty, but feel his alibi would make a good premise for a John Grisham book.'

"A clear case of suicide...."

Policeman discovers a thief

"Hey, big Mike. About that guy's identity you stole for me... He was wanted in five states!"

"Is anyone there?"

"He's been a victim of a crime known as 'personality theft'."

Unintentional Confessions

"Okay, okay, I get it now. This is your way of saying I did something illegal."

"This is my first mugging, young man... Do I scream and then give you my purse, or do I give you my purse and then scream?"

'Would you like some wallet-sizes?'

"Use a hockey stick – make it look like a game."

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

Bruised Egos in Sacramento