Crime Wave Buff Pillows

'Maybe you just miscounted your paperclips.'

hard-boiled egg...

'You know too much,'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"We'll get there when we get there!"

"I worked hard, I played hard and I embezzled hard."

"Remember, when you back up, make that 'beep beep' sound."

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

'Mrs Witch, you're being accused of using a poisoned apple to send a young girl into a death-like sleep. I'm placing you under arrest for the possession of illegal drugs.'

'Why is it always about me?'

Newton's Law and Order.

Cat points to the dog who injured him, at a police station.

'By the looks of these skid marks, Humpty didn't fall- he was pushed!'

"If a tree falls in the forest and hits a certain individual, would he still be able to testify?"

Privatized Jails

"I told you we should have had separate trials."

'A-1 security from crime ... but can't stand the isolation.'

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

"Fifth robbery this week. That's not a security camera ??" a local TV news station installed it to save time."

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

Bureau of Missing Persons

"Looks like he's been salted, Sarge.2

'With all the new laws being proposed, our tomatoes with founder genes may soon be an endangered species.'

"Yours is the worst case of identity theft I've investigated."

'Your father installed a security system.'

"Warning! Not to be used as a life saving device."

"Have you ever heard about deferred prosecution agreements, Mommie?"

Driving Mr. Qcrazy

"My goodness, Gurkenham! This is the worst case of identity theft I've ever seen!"

A giant hand identifies giant legs in a police line-up.

Black market trade in foodstuffs is thriving.

'Hey, we're doing an office pool on who gets to bust that illegal card game on Main.'