Crime Shows Pillows

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

C.S.I.R.S.

Bowling pin line up

"Anything you say can be used in a very exciting new true-crime podcast we're working on."

'I've been grilling him for hours and he hasn't even started to sizzle!'

"Nope. Looks to me like a clear-cut case of suicide by somehow reaching around behind the back and sticking a knife in backward. Let's get a drink."

"I'm not a rat. I'm a person who ratted you out. There's a difference. You need to accept that so we can get past it."

"Nice ring. You sure it ain't hot?"

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

"Well Sarge, this looks like one of your classic open and shut cases."

'Well at least they died with smiles on their faces.'

'A free plastic toy, cornflakes scattered around the victim... Yep, it looks like our cereal killer alright!'

"Now that's what I call organised crime!"

"I'd like a style that looks nothing like this."

"Do you have to take your work home with you?"

"I want you to want to help bury the evidence."

"Today's sermon is based on the story of Cain and Abel, or as I like to call it, CSI: Eden..."

"I told him he was allowed one phone call. He's making a pledge to Channel 13."

'There's no sign of foul play.'

'Hey, I can empathize, budd ? I'm a victim of my environment, too.'

The Investigation

'Maybe you can find your mugger in this book of mug shots, or as we call it, 'Criminal Facebook.''

'For a chance to win back your wallet, visit my website and complete the online survey.'

'Gee... Nothing says 'I'm dead' like a severed head.'

'They've gone overboard on this trend.'

'Bad police dog! What have I told you about planting evidence?'

Cash in Your Attic, investigation squad.

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

"We have our conclusion, now we need the evidence!"

"I can't be sure...I only got a quick look."

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'

"I forget, is this the show with the back stabbing, or the front stabbing?"

'Hold it right there. I'll be back after this short break.'

'It's heartbreaking to see Reynolds in trouble for fraud again, but I always look forward to his rooftop chases.'

"Yes. I heard a scream and a cry for help. And then there was some very ominous music."