Crime Shows Pillows

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

C.S.I.R.S.

"Anything you say can be used in a very exciting new true-crime podcast we're working on."

"Nope. Looks to me like a clear-cut case of suicide by somehow reaching around behind the back and sticking a knife in backward. Let's get a drink."

'I've been grilling him for hours and he hasn't even started to sizzle!'

"I'm not a rat. I'm a person who ratted you out. There's a difference. You need to accept that so we can get past it."

"Nice ring. You sure it ain't hot?"

"I want you to want to help bury the evidence."

"Now that's what I call organised crime!"

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

"Do you have to take your work home with you?"

'A free plastic toy, cornflakes scattered around the victim... Yep, it looks like our cereal killer alright!'

"Well Sarge, this looks like one of your classic open and shut cases."

"I'd like a style that looks nothing like this."

"I told him he was allowed one phone call. He's making a pledge to Channel 13."

'For a chance to win back your wallet, visit my website and complete the online survey.'

The Investigation

'There's no sign of foul play.'

'Hey, I can empathize, budd ? I'm a victim of my environment, too.'

"The boss says after this you're gonna have to start flossing for yourself."

"Yes. I heard a scream and a cry for help. And then there was some very ominous music."

"I forget, is this the show with the back stabbing, or the front stabbing?"

"We have our conclusion, now we need the evidence!"

'I thought a cake was a bit obvious, so I've emailed the file to you.'

"I can't be sure...I only got a quick look."

'Gee... Nothing says 'I'm dead' like a severed head.'

'Hold it right there. I'll be back after this short break.'

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

'Bad police dog! What have I told you about planting evidence?'

Cash in Your Attic, investigation squad.

'It's heartbreaking to see Reynolds in trouble for fraud again, but I always look forward to his rooftop chases.'

"As you are a fan of the Sopranos, Big Tony will turn you into one."

'We're lucky...we don't have street crime like those big cities.'

'Looks like another typical caffeine overdose.'