Crime Prevention Buffs Pillows

'My home's got 'fortress' features galore - the best burglar alarm - armed security guards - intercom system - closed-circuit television - etc. ... I'm a virtual prisoner in my own home!'

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"I feel like bad guys aren't as scared of me in the summer."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"Don't you think you're taking this whole, 'neighbourhood watch' thing a little too serious, dear?"

"I worked hard, I played hard and I embezzled hard."

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go, Richter. The crime rate has dropped.'

'By the looks of these skid marks, Humpty didn't fall- he was pushed!'

'We want more police on our streets!' 'WHAT?! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there?'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

Gullboy and Pigeonman

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

"Looks like he's been salted, Sarge.2

'Your father installed a security system.'

The Lavender Dot - Part Five

Black market trade in foodstuffs is thriving.

Retrospection.

You know retail is in a bad way when...

'We know the elephant died when he jumped off the roof. But the other guy? It's a mystery.'

"It's easier to make 'em talk when you just cement the feet."

"We're from Neighborhood Watch. We'd like to see some I.D."

"All right, which one stole your identity?"

Practicing for the lie detector test...'I have only $800 in the bank. I was never in Chicago. I know nothing about the dog food business.'

'No, you can't fake your own death and leave all your money to yourself.'

"While we do appreciate your diligence... It's not the store's policy to shoot shoplifters!"

"Isn't it nice to see more bobbies on the street...?"

'I'm taking a poll. Do you feel safe in your own home?'

"...This one comes with the latest security devices...'

Neighborhood Watch.

Crime-Be-Gone - Fence-O-Matic!

'What shall I do with this mega fingerprint?'

'I got 5 years for something I didn't do. I didn't run fast enough. . .'

'Impersonating a police officer. What are you in for?'

'We find the defendant guilty, but feel his alibi would make a good premise for a John Grisham book.'

"How'd you get this number?"