Crime Prevention Buffs T-Shirts

'My home's got 'fortress' features galore - the best burglar alarm - armed security guards - intercom system - closed-circuit television - etc. ... I'm a virtual prisoner in my own home!'

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"I feel like bad guys aren't as scared of me in the summer."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"Don't you think you're taking this whole, 'neighbourhood watch' thing a little too serious, dear?"

"I worked hard, I played hard and I embezzled hard."

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go, Richter. The crime rate has dropped.'

'By the looks of these skid marks, Humpty didn't fall- he was pushed!'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

'We want more police on our streets!' 'WHAT?! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there?'

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

Gullboy and Pigeonman

'Your father installed a security system.'

"Looks like he's been salted, Sarge.2

You know retail is in a bad way when...

Retrospection.

Black market trade in foodstuffs is thriving.

"It's easier to make 'em talk when you just cement the feet."

"We're from Neighborhood Watch. We'd like to see some I.D."

"While we do appreciate your diligence... It's not the store's policy to shoot shoplifters!"

'I'm taking a poll. Do you feel safe in your own home?'

'No, you can't fake your own death and leave all your money to yourself.'

"All right, which one stole your identity?"

Practicing for the lie detector test...'I have only $800 in the bank. I was never in Chicago. I know nothing about the dog food business.'

"Isn't it nice to see more bobbies on the street...?"

"...This one comes with the latest security devices...'

Neighborhood Watch.

Crime-Be-Gone - Fence-O-Matic!

'Impersonating a police officer. What are you in for?'

'What shall I do with this mega fingerprint?'

"How'd you get this number?"

"It occurred to me that there's no rule against having mutant telekinetic powers and pepper spray."

'If it weren't for baseball, this whole thing could have ended much differently.'