Crime Statistics Gifts

"Mum? I think it's time I knew the difference between boys and girls." "Boys are six times more likely to commit murder and seven of every ten of those killed will be girls. Anything else?"

Nelson Mandela in despair over the crime rates in SA.

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

The Elliot Ness monster.

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

'What's wrong with those Europeans? We have more murders in this city than England, France Germany and Spain combined.'

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"Puss in cement boots"

'You don't have a license and registration, do you?'

'So one day I thought, I'll teach you brats to laugh at me!'

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"Don't you think you're taking this whole, 'neighbourhood watch' thing a little too serious, dear?"

"Don't editorialize."

Fred Dinsdale - Forensic expert.

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

"White Collar Prison"

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

Mobsters at the Beach