Crime Statistician Gifts

"It's not a spike in crime, it's a spike in REPORTING crime that was there all along. So... that's better, right?"

The Forensic Statistician...

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

Fear/Knowledge

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

Nelson Mandela in despair over the crime rates in SA.

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

'1,2,3 4,5,6 7,8,9...'It's the little things that count.(little figurines counting).

"If x is the set of all men that love you, then I am a member of x."

"Right, before we look at the covid figures for today, do we need another sheet of paper?"

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

'What's wrong with those Europeans? We have more murders in this city than England, France Germany and Spain combined.'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

GPC needs to make its new formula foolproof.

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!

"Don't editorialize."

Granny with balanced pie chart

John Venn Speaks...' Just don't include me in an of those diagrams, if you don't mind.'

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

'Can't he ever use a different kind of chart?'

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

"Number 2. Step forward please."