Crime Analysis Gifts

New research on streetcrime

'See, Jimmy, as the population grows too dense, the rats begin to brutalize each other...'

Crime Prevention Seminar

Nelson Mandela in despair over the crime rates in SA.

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

'What's wrong with those Europeans? We have more murders in this city than England, France Germany and Spain combined.'

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

'You don't have a license and registration, do you?'

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

'Then my brother said he'd like to bury the hatchet...'

Mobsters at the Beach

"Thrilling news, sweetie! The National Gallery's entire collection of Velázquez is now attributed to you."

The evidence destroyed

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

"The DNA sample from the mink fibres found in the suspect's car matched the DNA sample from the mink coat found at the scene of the crime, so I'm thinking, maybe these minks were twins?"

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

'Mark Antony addreses the mob'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

"Take your time, sir. Tell me if you can see the thief."

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

Phone Hacking Explained - 50 p.

"Undiagnosed serial killer"

"My client was across town at the time of the murder, as a quick sniff of Exhibit A will demonstrate."

PARALEGAL, 'Hi -- I'm a paracriminal.'

"I'm sorry- when you said 'bad' cop, I assumed you meant incompetent."

'Where did I bury the loot? -- I thought you buried the loot!'