Crime Statistics T-Shirts

"Mum? I think it's time I knew the difference between boys and girls." "Boys are six times more likely to commit murder and seven of every ten of those killed will be girls. Anything else?"

Nelson Mandela in despair over the crime rates in SA.

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

The Elliot Ness monster.

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

'What's wrong with those Europeans? We have more murders in this city than England, France Germany and Spain combined.'

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"Puss in cement boots"

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

'You don't have a license and registration, do you?'

'So one day I thought, I'll teach you brats to laugh at me!'

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"He was WOK-ing in a winter wonderland."

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"Don't editorialize."

"Don't you think you're taking this whole, 'neighbourhood watch' thing a little too serious, dear?"

Fred Dinsdale - Forensic expert.

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

'Sure, we pay them for protection but there are unexpected bonuses: nobody can tenderise veel like Luigi or slice beef as fine as Vinny.'

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"White Collar Prison"

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

The evidence destroyed