Crime Historian T-Shirts

'How do you expect me to concentrate when you're reading me my rights?'

Prisoner

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

The Elliot Ness monster.

CIA report

Harry S. Truman

The Philip Marlow family

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

Frankenstein's Ancestry

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

The Ukraine, Europe and Fascism.

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'

Celebrity Phrenologist.

"Undiagnosed serial killer"

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

'Try to think of this as a learning experience.'

'Oh I don't mind you turning over my cups to look at the mark. But next time, please finish your tea.'

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

"By Ned, you're right, inspector—the body has been moved."

"Now we're leaving the hall of stuff we stole from other cultures and entering the hall of stuff we paid too much for."

'Make it look like an accident.'

'Newgate - Exercise Yard'

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

'Aghh! I've been visited by the Russian mafia.'

'Sure we've got a lot of anger. We also got a lot cement.'