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"Although my client was well aware of the falling crime rate, Your Honor, he chose not to be trendy."

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'

Cosa Nostradamus: "Listen, you mook. I predict if you don't pay the vig to the Don by tonight you'll be at the bottom of the Hudson by morning."

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

'Newgate - Exercise Yard'

'Sure we've got a lot of anger. We also got a lot cement.'

"So, while extortion, racketeering, and murder may be bad acts, they don't make you a bad person."

'How do you expect me to concentrate when you're reading me my rights?'

"It's the terrifying story of a publisher brutally murdered by an author who had his book rejected."

'It's had the best reviews I've ever written.'

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

"It's a puzzling case, Watson. For all I know, the culprit could be staring me right in the face."

"Whack him. And if you can't whack him, redact him."

Lizzie Borden in the 21st Century...

I didn't see who attacked me, but that's the guy who got it all on his phone.

Agatha Christie

"9-1-1, I'd like to report a great idea for a podcast."

"It's a Plodcast!"

'Hi. I'm Don.'

"No questions, your honor. It's all in my client's new book. Every member of the jury will find a free copy under their seats!"

Shakespeare in the park Mickey Spillane in the alley.

A holster of heavies

Murder/Mystery

"I have gathered you all here tonight to finally reveal which one of you killed Professor Sturm!"

"Dang...this guy isn't a spree killer or a religiously motivated terrorist! He's just a normal criminal. Switch off the camera."

OJ Simpson - Pop Up If I Did It (Here's how it happened).

In Agatha Christie's bathroom.

"Oh, and a five and five ones."

Dashiell Hammett

Reporter at a crime scene.

Book sections, 'crime' and 'master crime'.

"Anything you say will be taken down and edited for 'Crimewatch.'

'What is WRONG with you?!!'