Crime Commentator T-Shirts

'It's not for me - it's for my children's children.'

'Isn't it nice to live in an area where you can leave your door open?'

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'

'Why is it always about me?'

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

Cosa Nostradamus: "Listen, you mook. I predict if you don't pay the vig to the Don by tonight you'll be at the bottom of the Hudson by morning."

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

Financial Corruption

'So far we don't have any suspects.'

Medellin erases the image of Escobar

"So, while extortion, racketeering, and murder may be bad acts, they don't make you a bad person."

See no evidence, hear no evidence, speak no evidence.

"It's the terrifying story of a publisher brutally murdered by an author who had his book rejected."

'It's had the best reviews I've ever written.'

Don't worry, we're anti gun control.

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

"Whack him. And if you can't whack him, redact him."

"It was passed from my grandfather to my father, from my father to me, and now from me to you. Twenty bucks."

"Ah ha! Organised criminals..."

'It wasn't so much armed robbery as my client converting the owner's assets from sole proprietorship to a mutual fund.'

"9-1-1, I'd like to report a great idea for a podcast."

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

Mafia machine gun case.

Shakespeare in the park Mickey Spillane in the alley.

A holster of heavies

Murder/Mystery

"I have gathered you all here tonight to finally reveal which one of you killed Professor Sturm!"

"No questions, your honor. It's all in my client's new book. Every member of the jury will find a free copy under their seats!"

'Let this guy go. He's working under cover.'

"Thou shalt not kill. It's a sin. But people still commit murders, I'm happy to say. And the state kills the murderers...I'm twice as happy to say."

Money Launderette