Crime Journalist T-Shirts

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'

"Dang...this guy isn't a spree killer or a religiously motivated terrorist! He's just a normal criminal. Switch off the camera."

"Whack him. And if you can't whack him, redact him."

Shootings in New York.

O.J. Simpson allegedly involved in knife attack.

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

The Philip Marlow family

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!

"Don't editorialize."

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

Fred Dinsdale - Forensic expert.

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"Number 2. Step forward please."

'I don't care how you do it...just make it look like an accident.'

I always forget - Are we supposed to tip?

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

'Keep an eye on that one. He looks like a sketchy character to me.'

'You know, this is a pretty dangerous line of work you're in...'

'The police is looking for a teenager who reads books... I bet they'll never solve this case!'

'Why is it always about me?'

"They've solved the cause of death of Richard III."

"Take your time, sir. Tell me if you can see the thief."

'Try to think of this as a learning experience.'

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

Fish mobsters.

"Undiagnosed serial killer"

"By Ned, you're right, inspector—the body has been moved."

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

"All the salmon has disappeared yet every door to the house was locked. Oh, it's a mystery all right."

Cosa Nostradamus: "Listen, you mook. I predict if you don't pay the vig to the Don by tonight you'll be at the bottom of the Hudson by morning."