Crime Author T-Shirts

"In addition to robbing you, I'm also doing research for a novel."

Accosted by a Curd Crawler

Book sections, 'crime' and 'master crime'.

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

"Puss in cement boots"

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

The Philip Marlow family

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

Fred Dinsdale - Forensic expert.

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'Why is it always about me?'

Snow Crime

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'

"Let's just enjoy our holiday. The whole incident with your stalker is over now. We won't see him again."

"Damn it—I told them I was too well known for undercover work!"

Mafia Family Life: 'I'm sorry dear - but I had to bring some work home!'

"Undiagnosed serial killer"

"Yes, I was using my mobile whilst driving... I was calling the police to tell them I was chasing a gang of bank robbers!"

Man reading 'How not to get caught.'

"This, Yorik... Do you know him well?"

"Now don't do anything flashy with the money, like pay off all your student loans at once."

Dog detectives

"By Ned, you're right, inspector—the body has been moved."

'There's my place. Technically it's still a crime scene, but you're more than welcome to traipse through it.'

'Try to think of this as a learning experience.'