Crime Documentarian T-Shirts

Stop Referring to Your 3 Felonies as a Trilogy

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

Kirsten Johnson

Police film evidence

Crocodile

Michael Moore creates a UK equivalent of Fahrenheit 9/11

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

A bunch of global warming skeptics want to join eco club. It's a school organization. You have to let them in. But they just want to harass us with selective facts! Today: Eco club. So? Debate is good. You have :An Inconvenient Truth" to counter their arguments. Oh. Great. Now we'll have to read it.

My friend, Ernie, the documentary filmmaker, is producing a series about beverages. One film follows a man's search for the perfect lager. The working title is "The Beer Hunter." He found a group of young women in high school who are fantastic baristas. "Bean Girls." Espresso. Another movie will uncover animosity in the orange juice business. Maybe I should call it "Pulp Friction." And he's examining vineyards and winemakers all over the globe. I'll call the film "Planet of the Grapes"!

'I still say these shots need more action.'

"What are you thinking of, Dear?" "Oh just something I said to Robert Mueller."

'Great! So that's the film... Now for the sound!'

"Those pervs from the nature channel are filming us again."

Ernie is a documentary filmmaker who tells stories of folks in their professional lives -- I think he should wonk on his film titles more. One film looked at the surprisingly competitive cutthroat world of the dry cleaning business. "The Hanger Games." In another, we see astronomers traveling to remote locations to escape light pollution. "The Dark Night." Ernie showed us the bond among young butchers in an increasingly vegan world. "Stand by Meat"! And he told us the story of a man who i

'Coming up next...more of man's inhumanity to man...in hi-def.'

"It's a beautiful day except for the murders."

Michael Moore

'Hold it - someone's filming this without permission!'

'If whales are so intelligent, why do they swim near Japan?'

'Because it's there.' ... 'Because he may fall.'

"It's the terrifying story of a publisher brutally murdered by an author who had his book rejected."

Rain Forest Filmcrew

The Young Jacques Cousteau at the Beach with his Mother.

"Whack him. And if you can't whack him, redact him."

"This is too hard, but I'd recognize him on his own."

I have a video phone and I'm not afraid to use it.

An environmental documentary crew filming garbage washing up on the beach.

'You're a funny beggar, switching off the sound just because Joanna Lumley is ENTHUSING!'

Social lens of the photojournalist

"Hey neighbour - you do know the bin-bags go out on Thursday...??"

Goosestepping Nazi Geese

'If this is a fly-on-the-wall documentary, I'd be more interested in the fly's next chapter'

Duckumentary: 'QUACK!'

"Why doesn't Ken Burns make a documentary about this?"