Crime Documentarian Gifts

Stop Referring to Your 3 Felonies as a Trilogy

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

Kirsten Johnson

Police film evidence

Crocodile

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

'I still say these shots need more action.'

"It's a beautiful day except for the murders."

'Hold it - someone's filming this without permission!'

'Coming up next...more of man's inhumanity to man...in hi-def.'

"Those pervs from the nature channel are filming us again."

"What are you thinking of, Dear?" "Oh just something I said to Robert Mueller."

'Great! So that's the film... Now for the sound!'

'If whales are so intelligent, why do they swim near Japan?'

'Because it's there.' ... 'Because he may fall.'

"It's the terrifying story of a publisher brutally murdered by an author who had his book rejected."

"This is too hard, but I'd recognize him on his own."

I have a video phone and I'm not afraid to use it.

"Whack him. And if you can't whack him, redact him."

Social lens of the photojournalist

An environmental documentary crew filming garbage washing up on the beach.

Rain Forest Filmcrew

'You're a funny beggar, switching off the sound just because Joanna Lumley is ENTHUSING!'

The Young Jacques Cousteau at the Beach with his Mother.

"Hey neighbour - you do know the bin-bags go out on Thursday...??"

"No questions, your honor. It's all in my client's new book. Every member of the jury will find a free copy under their seats!"

"Are you sure this species has never been filmed before?"

"Why doesn't Ken Burns make a documentary about this?"