Crime Documentary Enthusiast Gifts

'That fugitive looks just like our financial advisor.'

'Aren't we lucky to be living in a nation of laws!'

"They've been having a lot of trouble recently with shoplifting."

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

The Elliot Ness monster.

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

The GODFATHER Ride 25¢

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

A bunch of global warming skeptics want to join eco club. It's a school organization. You have to let them in. But they just want to harass us with selective facts! Today: Eco club. So? Debate is good. You have :An Inconvenient Truth" to counter their arguments. Oh. Great. Now we'll have to read it.

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

Fish mobsters.

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

"By Ned, you're right, inspector—the body has been moved."

"I know your mother."

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

"It's a beautiful day except for the murders."

'It's Yorick all right - I know his DNA well.'

Al Pacino

"Don't worry, boss, he ain't gonna be takin' his shoes off on an airplane no more."

"Did you remember to whack the cat?"

"Sorry, Boss, I thought you wanted me to make it look like an accident."

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

"What are you thinking of, Dear?" "Oh just something I said to Robert Mueller."

'...Just goes to show you, you can't trust anyone.'

Why did the chicken cross the mafia

"I've..er..come to read your meter..?"

"I always wondered why they called you detectives, 'gum shoes'."

"Stick 'em up!"

"My defense attorney couldn't shake the witness's identity of me as the perpetrator."

"I bet you thought that because you'd been castaway for forty years, you'd get off with your six month prison sentence."

'I can't tag him, he keeps his watches there.'

"No, wait. What if the cop character is the murderer, and the mobster guy is completely innocent?"