Crime Documentary Enthusiast Pillows

'That fugitive looks just like our financial advisor.'

'Aren't we lucky to be living in a nation of laws!'

"They've been having a lot of trouble recently with shoplifting."

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

The Elliot Ness monster.

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

The GODFATHER Ride 25¢

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

"I know your mother."

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

"By Ned, you're right, inspector—the body has been moved."

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

"What are you thinking of, Dear?" "Oh just something I said to Robert Mueller."

'It's Yorick all right - I know his DNA well.'

"Did you remember to whack the cat?"

"It's a beautiful day except for the murders."

"Don't worry, boss, he ain't gonna be takin' his shoes off on an airplane no more."

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

'...Just goes to show you, you can't trust anyone.'

Why did the chicken cross the mafia

"I bet you thought that because you'd been castaway for forty years, you'd get off with your six month prison sentence."

"No, wait. What if the cop character is the murderer, and the mobster guy is completely innocent?"

"I always wondered why they called you detectives, 'gum shoes'."

"I've..er..come to read your meter..?"

"My defense attorney couldn't shake the witness's identity of me as the perpetrator."

'I can't tag him, he keeps his watches there.'

TOO SLOW

A diamond robbery goes wrong when the hook catches the sleeping museum guard's hat

'We're eleven to one. May we borrow the murder weapon?'