Crime Fighting Stories Gifts

"And what do you see in this inkblot?"

Nelson Mandela in despair over the crime rates in SA.

hard-boiled egg...

'You know too much,'

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

"I feel like bad guys aren't as scared of me in the summer."

Mayhem, Inc. Part 29

'What's wrong with those Europeans? We have more murders in this city than England, France Germany and Spain combined.'

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'So one day I thought, I'll teach you brats to laugh at me!'

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!

"Don't editorialize."

Slow Night

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

"You dropped yer wallet."

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

Violent Crime Statistics

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go, Richter. The crime rate has dropped.'

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

'I haven't spent a day in jail since I got rid of my lawyer and hired a spinmeister.'

'I don't care how you do it...just make it look like an accident.'

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

"White Collar Prison"

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

"Then leave the horses head in the Futon." Middle-class mafia