Crime Fighting Stories Prints

"And what do you see in this inkblot?"

Nelson Mandela in despair over the crime rates in SA.

hard-boiled egg...

'You know too much,'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

'What's wrong with those Europeans? We have more murders in this city than England, France Germany and Spain combined.'

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"I feel like bad guys aren't as scared of me in the summer."

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'So one day I thought, I'll teach you brats to laugh at me!'

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!

"Don't editorialize."

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

Slow Night

"You dropped yer wallet."

Violent Crime Statistics

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

'I don't know officer: They all look alike to me...'

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

"Then leave the horses head in the Futon." Middle-class mafia

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

"White Collar Prison"

'I haven't spent a day in jail since I got rid of my lawyer and hired a spinmeister.'

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go, Richter. The crime rate has dropped.'