Cricket Jokester Pillows

He decided to give up first-class cricket. But he still plays for England, right?

"Merry Christmas"

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

"You are aware that’s a golf ball?"

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

Racketeer

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

"Seriously, fellas, I can't get up."

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"Maybe this year..."

Elf of the Month

Cleaning the Horse

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

During a respite in union negotiations, simmering tensions boil over as some disgruntled members of the toymakers elf union take matters in their own hands.

C is for Cracker

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

'Your dad only works one day a week but mine only works ONE day a year!'

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'

"What's my laptop. Your old room is now the computer room."

"We need someone who's responsible."

Santa's grotto advertising 'Talk to Santa', is next to a diet clinic with a sign in the window, 'Santa, talk to us.'

'You can't borrow the sleigh tonight- it's Christmas Eve!'

"You remind me very much of myself when I was your age, Carter, and there is no way that this company would employ such a person."

Gang of Musicians