Rugby Jokester Pillows

'You're accused of punching, gouging, biting and stomping.'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'Gravity...Go figure!'

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'Honestly, dear, I'm just giving my pedometer a rest.'

"I hate this time of year."

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

"Susan! The Johnson's dog is chasing me while I'm jogging again!"

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

"Seriously, fellas, I can't get up."

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

'What, not even a kiss first?'

Cleaning the Horse

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

'We're all gonna have lovely hangovers in the morning!'

Robot porn.

'No, I haven't taken up jogging...A velociprator was after me!'