Sporting Jokesters Pillows

Queen Elizabeth 2. Yankees ). I told you they wouldn't think it was funny.

Goalie with oversized gloves.

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

Tortoise and hare on treadmills.

Extremely Practical Jokes.

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

"Why settle for itsy-bitsy when you could be swole as hell?"

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

Football Game Tickets. These seats are so far from the field we'll need a passport to get to them!

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

Dorothy gets a visit from her funny Valentine.

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

'What, not even a kiss first?'

"Seriously, fellas, I can't get up."

Cleaning the Horse

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

Bobsled Police.

That's no largemouth bass, son - You caught yourself a rare blabbermouth bass. I'm nothin'! A nobody! Throw me back and I'll show you where the really big fish are!

"You know darn well my maiden name wasn't Rex. Why do you ask?"

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

The USA football team goes on the offensive.

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

"Yes, but you're a half hour late in dog minutes."

"I feel so much more relaxed since I punched out my yoga instructor!"

'We're all gonna have lovely hangovers in the morning!'