Rugby Jokester Gifts

'You're accused of punching, gouging, biting and stomping.'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'Gravity...Go figure!'

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'Honestly, dear, I'm just giving my pedometer a rest.'

"I hate this time of year."

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

"Susan! The Johnson's dog is chasing me while I'm jogging again!"

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

'What, not even a kiss first?'

"Seriously, fellas, I can't get up."

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

Dorothy gets a visit from her funny Valentine.

Cleaning the Horse

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

"You know darn well my maiden name wasn't Rex. Why do you ask?"

That's no largemouth bass, son - You caught yourself a rare blabbermouth bass. I'm nothin'! A nobody! Throw me back and I'll show you where the really big fish are!

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

'We're all gonna have lovely hangovers in the morning!'

Snail slow to react to an ant's joke.

Robot porn.