Cricket Jokester Gifts

He decided to give up first-class cricket. But he still plays for England, right?

Fleas Navidad.

"Merry Christmas"

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

"You are aware that’s a golf ball?"

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Putt-putt. Drive-Drive. (Two minature golf courses. Golfer at first hits putt. Golfer at second is hit in head by golfball that has been hit as a drive.)

"Maybe this year..."

Elf of the Month

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

Racketeer

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"Seriously, fellas, I can't get up."

Cleaning the Horse

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

During a respite in union negotiations, simmering tensions boil over as some disgruntled members of the toymakers elf union take matters in their own hands.

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

C is for Cracker

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

'Your dad only works one day a week but mine only works ONE day a year!'

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'

Easter Island heads bunny ears.

'You can't borrow the sleigh tonight- it's Christmas Eve!'

Santa's grotto advertising 'Talk to Santa', is next to a diet clinic with a sign in the window, 'Santa, talk to us.'

"You remind me very much of myself when I was your age, Carter, and there is no way that this company would employ such a person."

Gang of Musicians

"We need someone who's responsible."

'Alan, it's the 11th hole, and that Tiger Woods mask isn't intimidating us...'