Crematory Staff Gifts

Bob needs to take his job more seriously.

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"Would you like some wings?"

Newlyweds. . . 10 Years Married. . . 25 Years Married. . . 50+ Years Married.

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

Airport

Joint Ventures!

"We are now in 'The Galley,' where flight attendants scavenge for food, hoard magazines, hide from passengers and over share details of their personal lives."

ABC Vice Company: Employees Must Squash Hands Before Returning to Work

'This melts in the mouth.' 'It's ice cubes.'

Going to Work. . .Coming Home

No Cabin Crew Self Service.

"Captain, some passengers say that they are not interested in your romance with that flight attendant, and ask you to turn the speaker off."

'Wasn't there three of you guys when we started?'

"Be careful - we've seen an alarming increase in the number of plane strikes."

"That's why you're so familiar, we flew together yesterday!"

"Nothing says butter - like something from the udder."

"Is there something on my face? I've never had anybody watch this demonstration before."

"I'm going to have a word with the pilot."

"I never watch the safety demo. If we crash, they'll just save me."

"Looks like you've got some competition."

'You know, you remind me of me when I first started here.'

"Doesn't seem to matter how carefully you put them back together you always end up with pieces left over!"

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

"Mt. Joe Cemetary?"

'Grave rage Vicar, we get a lot of it now.'

"So how are things back in economy?"

The Egyptians trained baboons to wait on tables.

'Hey that's our waiter on his way home!'

Seatbelt hangs out from the airplane door.

"No, you're not in a box. You're in an exit row. And I need you to acknowledge that verbally."

"I dare say there is more leg room Sir, but overhead lockers are for luggage only!"