Credential Extraordinaire Gifts

'I'm sorry - Mr. Jenkins, MBA, PhD, MD, Esq. is O.U.T.'

Profit

I drive, therefore I am.

The Card Flinger

'Let me through, let me through, I'm a computer geek.'

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

'CPA's' evolving into 'Consultants'

"Don't forget to click 'Reply All.'"

"Darren Eggleston. I saw that!"

In and out, in and out, in and out...

A man on a desert island has an inbox and outbox both filled with sand.

'The good news is that all the teachers liked the weekend brainstorming retreat. The bad news is that twelve of them are out today with splitting headaches.'

"Any missed assignments can be excused only with a note from your internet service provider."

"Blood sweat and tears. I think it's supposed to make us feel guilty."

'There's someone here I'd like you to meet. He's very well-connected.'

'I give all my new teachers the same advice. Never minimize the transformative power of a smile attached to your words.'

'Teacher says I don't pay attention, I have no retention but I'm great at detention.'

Hey, wow, Trevor's found a way to trainspot on the internet.

"It's confusing, son, but I'll try to explain: A nerd is a dork who's headed for college. A wonk is a nerd with one or more Ph.D.s. And then there' s the Uber-Wonk, like Daddy, who gets interviewed on TV all the time!"

'If it's alright with your agent, Kolwalski, I'd like to hand the ball off to you.'

"Just teachers' lounge will suffice, Ed."

"Enjoy it while you can, kid. It's a really short hop from 'Geek Genius' to 'Quasi-Creepy, Weird-Looking Old Rich Guy!'"

"There are thirty four children in my class...thirty one naughty, three nice."

"So nice of you to offer to display our posters" "I didn't. My pastor made me"

'I'm afarid your son has all the classic elements of geekism,minus the technical expertise.'

'It says, the higher a man's I.Q., the longer he's a virgin... well, bud... here's your Nobel Prize nomination!'

"Lucky!"

'Don't worry, the first thirty years of teaching are the hardest.'

"My biggest strength would probably be my giant chicken legs."

Buddy believed that successful presentations began with the entrance.

'No, you don't have fever. You have to go to school.'

'What do our service charges cover? -- people who ask too many questions!'

'I hope that is not too much of an inconvenience for you, but I'm desperate to hold on to good teachers.'

'Can I bring an attorney with me to open school night?'