Advisor Extraordinaire Gifts

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

'CPA's' evolving into 'Consultants'

Profit

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for the day. Teach a man to fish and you can charge a consulting fee."

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

"That was a great ideaof yours, chester."

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

"Remember, Man of good Sense not here to do work on your behalf. Man of good Sense only here to help you on strategic level until you wise enough to overcome recession."

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."

"I can definitely give you my two cents, Sir – just let me know how you want it: Bitcoin, Paypal, or Venmo."

"I just figured she was holding all my calls. Turns out she's been running the company."

"At least he's honest about it..."

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

"And this is my cousin Dave, who handles the conventional wisdom."

'It basically boils down to you need to do stuff better.'

Don't forget to read the small print.

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

"Darren Eggleston. I saw that!"

'It's just until the election is over, but I'm replacing you with Dick Morris.'

"The steering-committee three are we. Run it by us, and we'll see."

In and out, in and out, in and out...

"When I want your advice, I'll ask for it... but in an oblique, face-saving way."

"I need advice and you seem to have a level head."

'The good news is that all the teachers liked the weekend brainstorming retreat. The bad news is that twelve of them are out today with splitting headaches.'

'Look at the bright side. Think of our mutual funds going up, up, up!'

"Any missed assignments can be excused only with a note from your internet service provider."

"Oh, you don't need to fight them—you just need to convince the pitchfork people that the torch people want to take away their pitchforks."

"Blood sweat and tears. I think it's supposed to make us feel guilty."

"Don't you shush us, mister! We're famous consultants!"