Advisor Extraordinaire Pillows

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

'CPA's' evolving into 'Consultants'

Profit

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for the day. Teach a man to fish and you can charge a consulting fee."

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

"Just go with the workflow."

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

"That was a great ideaof yours, chester."

"Remember, Man of good Sense not here to do work on your behalf. Man of good Sense only here to help you on strategic level until you wise enough to overcome recession."

"I can definitely give you my two cents, Sir – just let me know how you want it: Bitcoin, Paypal, or Venmo."

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."

"I just figured she was holding all my calls. Turns out she's been running the company."

"At least he's honest about it..."

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

"And this is my cousin Dave, who handles the conventional wisdom."

'It basically boils down to you need to do stuff better.'

Don't forget to read the small print.

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

Attack of the 50 foot administrative professional.

"When I want your advice, I'll ask for it... but in an oblique, face-saving way."

In and out, in and out, in and out...

'It's just until the election is over, but I'm replacing you with Dick Morris.'

"The steering-committee three are we. Run it by us, and we'll see."

Axel, if I were to give you one piece of advice in life, it would be this: Don't hide your light under a bushel

"Darren Eggleston. I saw that!"

'The good news is that all the teachers liked the weekend brainstorming retreat. The bad news is that twelve of them are out today with splitting headaches.'

"I need advice and you seem to have a level head."

"Any missed assignments can be excused only with a note from your internet service provider."

'Look at the bright side. Think of our mutual funds going up, up, up!'

When Your First Term Is Going to Be Your Last

"Oh, you don't need to fight them—you just need to convince the pitchfork people that the torch people want to take away their pitchforks."