Teacher Extraordinaire Gifts

'I hope that is not too much of an inconvenience for you, but I'm desperate to hold on to good teachers.'

"Just teachers' lounge will suffice, Ed."

I drive, therefore I am.

Never ending to do list

'CPA's' evolving into 'Consultants'

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

'Oh no...I'm living the dream.'

"Darren Eggleston. I saw that!"

In and out, in and out, in and out...

At the Penguin fishing school: 'Gunvald has set the bar kind of high, gang!'

Baby Carriers

'The good news is that all the teachers liked the weekend brainstorming retreat. The bad news is that twelve of them are out today with splitting headaches.'

"Any missed assignments can be excused only with a note from your internet service provider."

People of Courage

"I knew there'd be pitfalls when I became a teacher, but thirty to a classroom is too many."

"Blood sweat and tears. I think it's supposed to make us feel guilty."

"I was desperate, dear. I had to find a way to teach and do all my required publishing."

'I give all my new teachers the same advice. Never minimize the transformative power of a smile attached to your words.'

'Teacher says I don't pay attention, I have no retention but I'm great at detention.'

"I'm Miss Jones, your History-As-I-See-It teacher."

"There are thirty four children in my class...thirty one naughty, three nice."

"Maybe I'm too good a mentor."

'Don't worry, the first thirty years of teaching are the hardest.'

'Please sir, I did give you the correct answer. But, you gave me the wrong question.'

'I'm sorry - Mr. Jenkins, MBA, PhD, MD, Esq. is O.U.T.'

"My biggest strength would probably be my giant chicken legs."

'No, you don't have fever. You have to go to school.'

Man pushing elderly lady in a wheelchair.

"So what attracted you to us?"

'Can I bring an attorney with me to open school night?'

Pursuing Success

"I started to add anecdotal notes about each student's behavior to my grade book. Now the book is too heavy to life."

Express Lane: 10 or less quibbles about grades

'I'm pretty sure I'm just seeing you due to bad eggnog, but still, as a principal I try to keep school costs down so I was wondering if you'd deliver these report cards while on your rounds?'