Bachelor Extraordinaire Gifts

"Lucky!"

Profit

'You are a very good nurse. You're actually listening to what I'm saying.'

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

"That was a great ideaof yours, chester."

I drive, therefore I am.

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

EXTROVERTS ANONYMOUS

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

'Let me through, let me through, I'm a computer geek.'

'CPA's' evolving into 'Consultants'

She agreed to marry me, but she has to marry three other guys first.

Broccoli: Just Full of Surprises!

"Don't forget to click 'Reply All.'"

"Darren Eggleston. I saw that!"

Counsel for the prosecution makes its closing argument in mime court.

'The good news is that all the teachers liked the weekend brainstorming retreat. The bad news is that twelve of them are out today with splitting headaches.'

A man on a desert island has an inbox and outbox both filled with sand.

"Any missed assignments can be excused only with a note from your internet service provider."

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

Man's evolution to the Strip club.

"Blood sweat and tears. I think it's supposed to make us feel guilty."

'I give all my new teachers the same advice. Never minimize the transformative power of a smile attached to your words.'

'Teacher says I don't pay attention, I have no retention but I'm great at detention.'

Hey, wow, Trevor's found a way to trainspot on the internet.

"It's confusing, son, but I'll try to explain: A nerd is a dork who's headed for college. A wonk is a nerd with one or more Ph.D.s. And then there' s the Uber-Wonk, like Daddy, who gets interviewed on TV all the time!"

"I just always show up to everything!"

"There are thirty four children in my class...thirty one naughty, three nice."

The Little Top.

'It says, the higher a man's I.Q., the longer he's a virgin... well, bud... here's your Nobel Prize nomination!'

'I'm afarid your son has all the classic elements of geekism,minus the technical expertise.'

"Enjoy it while you can, kid. It's a really short hop from 'Geek Genius' to 'Quasi-Creepy, Weird-Looking Old Rich Guy!'"

"What A Party."

'I'm sorry, but the only person Mr. McCoy is looking to hire right now is a good criminal defense lawyer. But I'll be happy to pass you resume on to him.'

'So in what year did you graduate from the school of hard knocks?'