Creative Avoider Gifts

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"Tarzan no want computer."

Sawdust.

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

"I'll go on a cruise, but not if I'm forced to learn things."

'Alice are you dating me only because you don't feel like cooking?'

Fred gives up his MP3 Player in favor of conch shells.

'On second thought, dear, could you toss me the car keys?'

"I want to vacation where we can look at something scenic from some place climate-controlled."

"They hired a cat to distract them from thoughts of change."

"Yes Dad! I can see the ground way way down below very clearly! It's not unrelated to my reluctance to try flying!"

Man reading magazine: 'International Procrastinator.'

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

Danger Signs.

'You can't avoid death...You can't avoid taxes...and you can't avoid having your name on computerized mailing lists.'

'Look, I just expect more from a muse.'

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

"I just can't seem to get into the spirit of the thing."

"Sorry, dear, but vowing NOT to climb Mount Everest this year isn't a valid New Year's resolution."

"This is a great investment, as long as you're not in it for the thrills and chills."

"But this is the way we've always done it."

'Johnny Wilmot experiences the Grand Canyon'

'I went to the city once, but I couldn't get used to the crowds'.

'For heaven's sake! We're only going to the caravan for a week!'

It's new from British Telecom, a telephone ignoring machine.

"Well, it might interest you to know that 'running naked' means running without a watch or iphone."

"I've finally reached the age when the advertising people leave me alone!"

"To hell with the call of the wild, all I want to hear is the call of the can opener."

"I'm not sure I can make it next week."

"Just more Junk Mail."