Crafting Maven Gifts

Knitting

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

"May I skip the usual Show & Tell and try to hustle some merch?"

"Like that?"

'I suppose you think that's funny.'

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

"It's nice, but does it have a batcave?"

"I have a personal blog, therefore I am!"

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

Man admires his Cubist Painting.

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

'I'm putting you on a diet: No more fat knights, maidens only...'

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'U.S. Manufacturing'

"We don't have knock-knock jokes on Christmas."

Don't bother Daddy -- he's just upset because Lady Godiva joined the anti-Crusade movement.'

Bleak House

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

"That metallic grinding means her throwout bearings are shot. She's backfiring through her carburetor. The tick indicates transmission trouble, and the smoke means she's on fire."

Business News: Economic Growth Indicators are Up, Led By Car Repairs, Divorce Costs, Open Heart Surgeries and Toxic Waste Cleanups.

'Side effects include, headache, dry mouth, muscle fatigue and turning into a frog.'

'We finally came up with a cubicle design that really works.'

'You can read, right? -- I want you to check this thing for loopholes.'

'We have to be more innovative but not in an out-of-the-box way.'

"Just what we've been looking for...a happy medium."

Sensitivity Reader

In his Last Moments, A Soldier Seeks Forgiveness for his Sins (History of the Crusades).

"And this one is made of ancient crystals that detoxify the air and remove all the money from your pocket."

"You’ll meet a beautiful woman whom your mother will loathe."

The Venerable Bede

'That was your grandfather -- his catapult went off while he was cleaning it.'