Courtroom Wiz Gifts

Clients billing lawyers

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

I love Lawyers

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

John W. Law., John W. Law Jr., Robert Law, Janet Law, Attorneys at Law

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"I object!" "Overruled!"

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

Yawning barristers in court

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

'The Grand Jury doesn't understand me...'

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

"I've asked you not to overrule me in front of the children."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

'For ever 'no-no' there's a legal 'yes-yes'.'

I Litigate Therefore I Am.

"Impartiality becomes you."

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

'Every day, I'm suing better and better...'

RBG, RGB, CMYK

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

Counsel's Opinion.

Criminal Stupidness

There's no such thing as "The Fruit Basket Defense." By any chance, are you referring to "The Fruit of the Poisonous Tree"? That's evidence that was obtained by an illegal action and must be considered inadmissible. Yeah! What you said!!!

"Not guilty, Your Honor, on the basis of a previously undiagnosed and untreated case of Integrity Deficit Disorder!"

"Your honor, we were having so much fun being sequestered, we forgot what the defendant is charged with."

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION ACLU, HELP TAKE A BITE OUT OF LAW, 'I like it!'

'Great. Another trainee lawyer.'

'The Supreme Court found the new law constitutional, but struck it down anyway because it's politically incorrect.'