Courtroom Virtuoso Gifts

"Ambulance chasing is all well and good. But the serious money is in bottom feeding."

I love Lawyers

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"I object!" "Overruled!"

John W. Law., John W. Law Jr., Robert Law, Janet Law, Attorneys at Law

"Not guilty?"

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

Yawning barristers in court

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

"I've asked you not to overrule me in front of the children."

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

'The Grand Jury doesn't understand me...'

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

"Manafort's was the best flip yet."

'For ever 'no-no' there's a legal 'yes-yes'.'

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

"Impartiality becomes you."

'Every day, I'm suing better and better...'

Say what? Johnnie Cochran died in 2005?

RBG, RGB, CMYK

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

"Can you hear me now?"

'Let's agree to disagree.'

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

Counsel's Opinion.

Criminal Stupidness