Courtroom Connoisseur Gifts

Everything you need to know about the law...and then some.

'Will you please answer the question, and this time, without the smoke and mirrors?'

Well I'm not sure if you are aware...but the house is currently in your husband's name.

'Maybe that isn't the way it happened, but that's they way it should have happened, and that's they way I'm going to remember it happened.'

'Am I a good lawyer? Would I charge $525.00 an hour if I wasn't?'

'Have you considered going wireless?'

Loopholes - "That's our legal department."

"It's so boring! Every case is the same, except the hearsay evidence, and we can't hear it!"

"I'd like to enter, as defense exhibit 'A', this red herring."

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

"The customers are always right because class action suits are very expensive."

Lawyer to other: 'That was amazing! I've never heard of an insurance company pleading insanity!'

'Are you sure? - I don't feel guilty.'

Counsel's Opinion.

Yawning barristers in court

'You again? -- what went wrong this time?'

'Don't worry about a thing. Nothing is anyone's fault anymore.'

'Are these character witnesses available for the trial?'

"Mrs Kimberly, could you please figure out how to bill people for just thinking about me?"

"Damn it, Fenton. We can't refuse to hear every case."

"I bill four hundred dollars an hour and I don't believe you'd be comfortable paying anything less."

"Refresh my memory: Are you my lawyer or my lawyer's lawyer?

'The attorney will see you just as soon as you put this neck-brace on.'

'Don't talk to any strange lawyers.'

'Eligible for parole ...? Tell me, what part of consecutive life sentences don't you understand?'

Lawyers: Suing or Being Sued.

Courtroom drama

'Don't worry about a thing. It's all society's fault.'

'I've learned one thing in my years of experience in the business world -- never see a lawyer without seeing a lawyer first.'

'Your Honor, it's not possible to select a jury of my client's peers...All of his peers are in prison.'

'You have a right to a lawyer, not a right to be strip-searched!'

"He's coming off a long tough trial."

"I'm not worried about the crooks. I'm worried about the honest guy who doesn't know what he is doing."

"Don't worry about the virus. Of course, you may approach the bench."

"The witness will not tweet his testimony."