Courtroom Connoisseurs Gifts

"You don't have to answer that."

'Yes, my client killes his wife with an axe, but I plead not guilty because it was a work of modern art!'

I love Lawyers

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

John W. Law., John W. Law Jr., Robert Law, Janet Law, Attorneys at Law

"I object!" "Overruled!"

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

Yawning barristers in court

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

'Billy! Set your homework aside and get down here. There's another basketball recruiter here to see you.'

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

"I've asked you not to overrule me in front of the children."

'The Grand Jury doesn't understand me...'

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

"Impartiality becomes you."

'For ever 'no-no' there's a legal 'yes-yes'.'

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

'Every day, I'm suing better and better...'

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

Counsel's Opinion.

Criminal Stupidness

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

'The Supreme Court found the new law constitutional, but struck it down anyway because it's politically incorrect.'

AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION ACLU, HELP TAKE A BITE OUT OF LAW, 'I like it!'

"Can you identify the person who assaulted you and then stole your title?"

"Not guilty, Your Honor, on the basis of a previously undiagnosed and untreated case of Integrity Deficit Disorder!"

'Great. Another trainee lawyer.'

Judge