Courtroom Ace Gifts

"Have you notices how Ed has changed since he started going to law school?"

'We haven't yet decided on the new partner...'

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

I love Lawyers

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"I object!" "Overruled!"

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"I've asked you not to overrule me in front of the children."

'The Grand Jury doesn't understand me...'

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

I Litigate Therefore I Am.

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

"He says: If they're smart enough to hire a top lawyer and sue us for having wet floors then they're smart enough to look where they're *%&$* going..."

'Every day, I'm suing better and better...'

Say what? Johnnie Cochran died in 2005?

RBG, RGB, CMYK

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

Criminal Stupidness

'You'll make lots of money and eat a little caca... that's what attorneys do.'

There's no such thing as "The Fruit Basket Defense." By any chance, are you referring to "The Fruit of the Poisonous Tree"? That's evidence that was obtained by an illegal action and must be considered inadmissible. Yeah! What you said!!!

AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION ACLU, HELP TAKE A BITE OUT OF LAW, 'I like it!'

'Great. Another trainee lawyer.'

Time is running out for Julian Assange.

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

Judge