Courtroom Magician Gifts

"I'm your Fairy God lawyer and will grant you three Gloria Allreds."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

'Court's in recess!'

'I got an alleged C on my criminal law test.'

Businessman with in and out boxes marked: 'Hocus' and 'Pocus'

"Just for the heck of it, how do you plead?"

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

'It wasn't long before Larry realized his calling as a lawyer whisperer...'

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"Oh dear, it's just as we suspected.. they do come from another planet."

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"Bailiff."

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

Law School teacher.

"You can't plead cute."

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

Smoke and mirrors.

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"#notguilty."

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."