Courtroom Dynamo Gifts

'He's a very special prosecutor.'

"When he left, he took all his things, including his name on the door."

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

Questions about an old case refuse to go away. . .

I love Lawyers

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Now that's a win."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"Bailiff."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"You can't plead cute."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"#notguilty."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"We make crime pay."

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

Yawning barristers in court

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

"And I put it to you Mr. MacDonald, that on the morning of December 3rd, you had cold hands whilst attaching a milking machine to my client's udder!"

'The next case Your Honor, is a palimony suit. The ant vs the grasshopper.'

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'