Courtroom Comic Lover Gifts

'I had just eaten a square meal!'

'My gavel says 'blunt force trauma.'

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

Questions about an old case refuse to go away. . .

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"Not guilty?"

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

Yawning barristers in court

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

'Oh, objection, objection, objection - what is it this time, Counselor?'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

"The court granted me a new identity!"

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

'Hmmm...It is: innocent until proven guilty? Or is it: guilty until proven innocent?'

"I object, Your Honor! This line of questioning is really weird."

"Can you hear me now?"

"I didn't consider it hacking. I thought of it as getting a sneak preview of their content."

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

'Let's agree to disagree.'

'Your honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'not guilty, but not exactly innocent either'!'

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

''Not guilty'? -- oh, in denial, are we?'

'Overruled, you may continue.'

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."