Courtroom Comic Fan Gifts

'Your honor, he's clearly guilty. I mean, just look at what the defendant is wearing!'

'But, Your Honor -- if you find my client guilty, the self-esteem problems that led to his crime will just get worse.'

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

Questions about an old case refuse to go away. . .

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

Yawning barristers in court

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

'Oh, objection, objection, objection - what is it this time, Counselor?'

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

"The court granted me a new identity!"

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

'Hmmm...It is: innocent until proven guilty? Or is it: guilty until proven innocent?'

Baby's first words.

"I object, Your Honor! This line of questioning is really weird."

"I didn't consider it hacking. I thought of it as getting a sneak preview of their content."

'Let's agree to disagree.'

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

''Not guilty'? -- oh, in denial, are we?'

'Your honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'not guilty, but not exactly innocent either'!'

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

"Let's take in a trial."

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

'Oh sure, Your Honor, he can speak. He's using sign language ...

The start of a clinical drug trial. Your honor, we will prove beyond a reasonable doubt this pill is both safe and effective.

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."