Courtroom Comic Enthusiast Gifts

Your honor, is there a legal precedent for a lawyer seeing a witness in a judge's chambers?

Your honor, my client is a very proud man. He's much too proud to confess to murder, and he's much too proud to beg for mercy. However, he's willing to offer the court a non-denial and a rude hand gesture. Where can we go with this?

'We find him guilty... but hey... we could be wrong!'

'Promise to tell the truth, including the parts you'd prefer to keep for an upcoming book or movie deal?'

Your wife can't testify against you, Well 3 of mine just did.

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

'I got an alleged C on my criminal law test.'

"Just for the heck of it, how do you plead?"

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Oh dear, it's just as we suspected.. they do come from another planet."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

"Bailiff."

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

Law School teacher.

"You can't plead cute."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"#notguilty."

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"Not guilty?"

'I'd like to go back to law school and pay attention this time.'

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'