Court Warrior Gifts

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

Hate Platforms

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

The real murderer of Boris Nemtsov?

'How about a game of cards?'

'Pass it to Dewey! He's got himself into some kind of rhythm!!'

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

"You're either lying or not telling the truth."

Unfettered Corporate Campaigning.

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

'Wait!... I don't want to take Brady out right now. He's just getting into rhythm.'

Planet of the Lawyers

"I say we move on to dessert."

Deer against capital punishment about to be shot.

'Court is in recess for one hour. Everyone convene on the playground and we will choose sides for dodgeball!'

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

Human Rights for All

Basketball.

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

'Captain, we're going to have to ask you to stop spiking the ball.'

"At least he's honest about it..."

'That will be 100 hours of community service in some other community.'

I Litigate Therefore I Am.

"I'm pre-legal analysis."

'I'm suing my way alphabetically through the phone book.'

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

"What makes me a great attorney, as opposed to an adequate one? - My brother, the judge."

Old administration and torture.

'The score is tied and we've only got a 20-second timeout, so we've gotta be quick. ... I'm 'X'. Who wants to be 'O'?'

'Radford, go in for Bloom. ... Uh-uh-uh! Finish your vegetables first!'