Courtroom Crusader Gifts

"My client got twenty years, yet he paid me in full. It just shows the system works."

"If you want justice, it's two hundred dollars an hour. Obstruction of justice runs a bit more."

'I'm looking for legal advice.' 'Don't get involved with lawyers. That will be £75.'

"Listen. It's at the quiet moments like this that you can actually hear the meter running."

Litigator's Heaven: 'Would you look at this? No handrails! Man, someone is just asking for a big, fat lawsuit. And don't get me started on the heating system.'

"I'm certain I speak for the entire legal profession when I say that the fee is reasonable and just."

'I told you it wouldn't work. You just can't predict what a jury is going to do.'

Judicial system should not be judged by past performance.

Lawyer to other exiting courtroom: 'The client was such a pain in the neck, we paid out for pain and suffering to his lawyers.'

'Help! Lawyers!'

"You can not go around calling me incompetent. That falls under attorney client priveledge."

'I'll never forget that day as long as I live. I was in court, delivering my final arguments in a pesky little environmental case, and I actually felt my conscience leave my body!'

'How did you get them to drop the corruption charges?'

Lawyers alerted by the ambulance alarm and chasing the vehicle.

'If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.'

'If at first you don't succeed...appeal to a higher court.'

"We're introducing a new policy. We call it, 'No Win, No Job'

'Remember, there's nothing to fear except fear itself and costly litigation.'

'Maybe the meek will inherit the Earth, but they'll need tough guys like me for executors!'

"I seek vindication." "I seek three hundred dollars an hour."

Pay Cut for QCs: 'I put it to you that this strikes at the very foundations of justice!'

'Don't worry, Mary, the first 30 years of practicing law are the hardest.'

"Now tell me your legal problem very slowly, with every detail, no matter how irrelevant. Feel free to digress, babble and, especially, backtrack."

Solicitors directory in doctors surgery "In case of emergency break glass."

"Let me put that in words you won't understand."

'I had a friend who was in an accident almost exactly like yours & he got a $1,000,000 settlement. Well, it was almost like yours. He didn't break a leg. He lost an arm. And he didn't trip over a cat. He was hit by a runaway train. And he didn't lose a

Lawyers - Never..have so many...owed so much...to so few.

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

'After examining the evidence, I feel the only place to take your botched vasectomy case is to small claims court.'

'We're creating green jobs for lawyers by environmentalists suing us.'

Law school: 'Repeat after me, class 'sue 'em first, or be sued!'

'Do you feel up to receiving lawyers?'

Business restraining law firms

No appeals..I own all the lawyers

"You should feel honoured. I don't sue anyone."