Courtroom Conqueror Gifts

'Our new product has increased growth in our legal department.'

'I take it we won.'

"Don't you threaten me, Felner! I have a law degree and I know how to use it."

"We spent our everything putting John through law school. Fortunately, he's a bankruptcy attorney."

'Yes, I have both a law and a medical degree. If you sue me for 'malpractice', I'll sue you for 'slander'.'

"Reconciliation? Are you crazy? Think about all your pain and suffering! Think about my retainer!"

'Finishing law school was easy compared to finding an office.'

Secretary to lawyer: 'Ad per the head-on collision settlement, the insurance company is playing chicken.'

"If you settle I want have the pleasure of squashing them in a court of law, but I can live with that."

'Sir,we have a problem'

'He's been unbearable since he took the IRS to court and beat them.'

'Here's my card. Call me when you get caught.'

A businessman sits at his desk in front of framed items on his wall: 'My first dollar,' and 'my first legal victory.'

Sports Day: Ambulance Chasing

"I want you to know you're in good hands, Mr. Jenkins. I've successfully fended off every single malpractice suit filed against me."

"Give it all you got is the motto of my wife's divorce attorney."

Three Swell Guys Who Expect To Be Completely Exonerated

"He says: If they're smart enough to hire a top lawyer and sue us for having wet floors then they're smart enough to look where they're *%&$* going..."

'You're definitely my kind of divorce lawyer.'

'We have a lot in common, I'm a vulture and you're a litigation lawyer.'

A slew of laywers

'This is our threat level for being sued.'

'Ah, the new pocket plaque's arrived.'

'What do you suggest for someone who took the IRS to court and won?'

"Actually, I got these injuries dealing with my insurance company."

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

"Shister and Shyster Attorneys at law"

'I'm to defend you.'

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

I love Lawyers

'It wasn't long before Larry realized his calling as a lawyer whisperer...'

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."