Courtroom Crusader Pillows

"My client got twenty years, yet he paid me in full. It just shows the system works."

"If you want justice, it's two hundred dollars an hour. Obstruction of justice runs a bit more."

'I'm looking for legal advice.' 'Don't get involved with lawyers. That will be £75.'

Litigator's Heaven: 'Would you look at this? No handrails! Man, someone is just asking for a big, fat lawsuit. And don't get me started on the heating system.'

"Listen. It's at the quiet moments like this that you can actually hear the meter running."

"I'm certain I speak for the entire legal profession when I say that the fee is reasonable and just."

'I told you it wouldn't work. You just can't predict what a jury is going to do.'

'Help! Lawyers!'

Judicial system should not be judged by past performance.

Lawyer to other exiting courtroom: 'The client was such a pain in the neck, we paid out for pain and suffering to his lawyers.'

Lawyers alerted by the ambulance alarm and chasing the vehicle.

'I'll never forget that day as long as I live. I was in court, delivering my final arguments in a pesky little environmental case, and I actually felt my conscience leave my body!'

"You can not go around calling me incompetent. That falls under attorney client priveledge."

'How did you get them to drop the corruption charges?'

'If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.'

"We're introducing a new policy. We call it, 'No Win, No Job'

'If at first you don't succeed...appeal to a higher court.'

'Remember, there's nothing to fear except fear itself and costly litigation.'

'Maybe the meek will inherit the Earth, but they'll need tough guys like me for executors!'

Pay Cut for QCs: 'I put it to you that this strikes at the very foundations of justice!'

"I seek vindication." "I seek three hundred dollars an hour."

'Don't worry, Mary, the first 30 years of practicing law are the hardest.'

"Now tell me your legal problem very slowly, with every detail, no matter how irrelevant. Feel free to digress, babble and, especially, backtrack."

Solicitors directory in doctors surgery "In case of emergency break glass."

'After examining the evidence, I feel the only place to take your botched vasectomy case is to small claims court.'

Business restraining law firms

Law school: 'Repeat after me, class 'sue 'em first, or be sued!'

'I had a friend who was in an accident almost exactly like yours & he got a $1,000,000 settlement. Well, it was almost like yours. He didn't break a leg. He lost an arm. And he didn't trip over a cat. He was hit by a runaway train. And he didn't lose a

"You should feel honoured. I don't sue anyone."

Lawyers - Never..have so many...owed so much...to so few.

'Do you feel up to receiving lawyers?'

'We're creating green jobs for lawyers by environmentalists suing us.'

"Let me put that in words you won't understand."

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

No appeals..I own all the lawyers