Couple Dynamics Gifts

'But you have your own drawer - what greater display of commitment could you want?'

'Subliminal advertising, Alice, what did I tell you!'

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

"He's all mine. Life is good."

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

I really think I can handle this date on my own. Lemme ask you something. Would you trust me alone with a ybot 340? An Xbox 360? They changed the name? Okay. But you cannot hit on my date. I'm only here to help.

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

"What's so wrong with always living in the present?"

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

Awkward First Dates

'..and if you must yawn tonight keep your mouth shut.'

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

'Oh, we don't keep score in our marriage, Dr. Downs, but if we did, I'd be winning 212 to 137.'

'Do you take this annoying woman to be your lawful wedded wife?'

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

Monogamy

"Steak, Richard, is just grown up veal."

"Did you honestly expect our couples therapist to know when Jacoby Ellsbury will be off the disabled list?!"

“I don’t mind doing the dishes every night—it gives me time to deepen my resentment.”

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'

"Well, it's another brand-new day. What do you say to getting up and looking the damn thing straight in the eye?"

"And do you, Courtney, take this man....Courtney!"

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

"Wait ... I always thought taking each other for granted was a good thing!"

"You call that worrying?"

Sadie, the way you objectify football players is unconscionable. It's what? All you talk about are their muscles, square jaws, animal intensity. Ooh. What? I live it when you get all puffed up and macho and tough. And what biceps. Much better. Well played. Girl does what she's got to.

"The defense rests."

"Are there any available upgrade options?"