Couple Dynamics Gifts

'Subliminal advertising, Alice, what did I tell you!'

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

"He's all mine. Life is good."

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

"What's so wrong with always living in the present?"

Awkward First Dates

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

'..and if you must yawn tonight keep your mouth shut.'

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

'Oh, we don't keep score in our marriage, Dr. Downs, but if we did, I'd be winning 212 to 137.'

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

"Did you honestly expect our couples therapist to know when Jacoby Ellsbury will be off the disabled list?!"

'Do you take this annoying woman to be your lawful wedded wife?'

Monogamy

"Steak, Richard, is just grown up veal."

“I don’t mind doing the dishes every night—it gives me time to deepen my resentment.”

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

"Mort, I'm writing a case study about two diametrically opposed archetypes of your generation. Archetype number one: a bold, debonaire male... The type that suffered no fools, lived life to the fullest, and pursued romance with tough, smart 'dames' who kept him on his toes. And then there's archetype number two: weak, insecure, afraid of life, and dominated by overbearing romantic partners who brought him to his knees. Ok. I'll participate. Who'd you find for archetype #2? You might want to

"The defense rests."

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

It would be hours before Jack realized that his wife was not being kinky but had, in fact, gone shopping.

"Well, it's another brand-new day. What do you say to getting up and looking the damn thing straight in the eye?"

"Wait ... I always thought taking each other for granted was a good thing!"

"You call that worrying?"

"And do you, Courtney, take this man....Courtney!"

'You were right. We should have gotten a lap dog.'