Marriage Dynamics Gifts

"He married her for her stuff."

'Oh, we don't keep score in our marriage, Dr. Downs, but if we did, I'd be winning 212 to 137.'

"This is my wife - the founder and executive director of our marriage."

"Little victories, son, little victories."

"You know I don't like to cuddle."

"It's not you, it's your hormone changes."

'I didn't have a fall. I fell.'

"Can't we talk this over?"

'She originally told you she wanted love and understanding? Well, her list has grown.'

'Please stop telling me I'm wrong...I get enough of that at home.'

'I married him for his money and believe me I earned it.'

'Stop whining. The burning means it's working.'

'It was the attraction of opposites - he was weak willed, stupid and rich.'

'You're not wearing that vest to the doctors.'

'You can't agree with me now! -- I'm not done arguing yet!'

'Irwin likes to get off by himself every now and then.'

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

"If women are from Venus and men are from Mars then I think he's from a skip outside the Burger Bar."

"Yes, I would love to come out for a drink with the lads, but I don't think my wife is too keen."

"You don't like my cooking, do you?"

"All marriage trouble is sad...but even more when it's a sidecar marriage!"

"A little more to the left, dear."

Tunnel of love

"Harold doesn't believe in smiling."

'It always has to be about you, doesn't it?'

"Anything wrong, sweetie pie? You've been ignoring the tip jar lately."

"It's his favorite time of year."

"Would you care to reconsider that remark before I put it in my journal?"

"And will you take my name even if you wind up making more money than I do?"

I was in a menage a trois...until she ran off with our marriage guide counsellor!

The Last Husband and Wife Team Hired

"If we're going to train him, we have to start with simple, basic commands he'll understand."

Beer 50

'I prefer to hire married men to bachelors. Married men don't get upset when I shout at them.'

"Trying to auction me won't work!"