Country Western Singer Gifts

'I've got those, 'No money left for whisky and women because my cattle futures options expired out of the money' blues...'

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

'Cock-a-doodle-do!'

Songs about Texas, next 1100 miles.

"It's God's country, if your god wears camouflage and dips tobacco."

Bashful in Nashville

'I took your advice and got a long little doggy.'

'I can't write cheating songs because my wife's too insecure.'

"I'm putting you on country music."

For every moment in life there is a song that describes it perfectly.'

...Well I've got to make sure I REALLY like where I am.

'Woke up this morning found someone had stolen my guitar...'

"I'll be broadminded up in heaven, but here on earth you're still a whore..."

'I'll never forget the night I saw you across the crowded room of a dusty ol' honky tonk.'

"This is Kevin. Kevin was uncool before uncool was cool."

"Year after year we sit here quietly raising eyebrows, son."

"The harmonica! Boy you're lucky, my cowboy plays the double-bass! I tell you what, it's a pretty awkward thing to carry around..."

"Well of course you're depressed... You're a country and western singer."

Even cowgirls get the blues. 'Well, howdy! I've been lookin' for this here B.B. King album forever!'

Supply was out of harps.

Testing...testing...one, two, three...

Hip-Hopalong Billy Bob blamed the censors for killing the country-rap scene.

Where the deer and the antelope play.

Here's a little number I wrote from bitter personal experience...

'You would think that our agent could make better travel arrangements for us than this.'

Ray Price, Willie Nelson, Merle Haggard

'This next song is called Reindeer farts in my face all night.'

Music from the moon.

Cowpunk

"Not tonight, hon—I've got a heartache."